Memories

Memories are funny things. I have a lot of them. Most of us do. Memories from yesterday and memories from 20 years ago. Some good, some bad, and some so fuzzy i am not exactly sure what I am remembering. If I try very hard to think back to my earliest memory I am not sure it really is the earliest...I can remember getting my ears pierced very vividly - the monstrous sized stapler-looking thing coming at my ears and then me begging my Grandmother to "not hit the bumps" on the way home and I can remember having to turn the gold heart studs to keep my ear from growing back around it. Did that happen before or after my memory of hiding from my Grandma in the circular clothes racks in the department store and getting the scolding of my young life when she found me - which at the time I thought was highly uncalled for because it really was an ingenious place to hide. But was that first or was it my memory of dancing on the dance floor with my Grandpa? And then there are those "memories" that we have come to believe are our own...like my "memory" of falling down the steps when I had followed my Dad up the stairs to get the laundry without him knowing. He picked up the hamper and turned around knocking me down the entire way. I was fine, but I remember sitting on the bottom step with my knee bleeding and my Mom putting a band-aid on it. I know this isn't correctly my memory because my Mom was in the hospital when I got knocked down the steps (otherwise Dad wouldn't have been doing the laundry, haha). And besides the fact that my Dad says there wasn't any blood involved, Mom couldn't very well put a bandage on my hurt knee from the hospital. So my mind has heard the "falling down the steps" story so many times that i think I remember it when I don't. And apparently my mind linked it to a separate incident where I somehow got a "boo-boo" on my knee that my Mom treated.
I have memories of family vacations, trips to Grandparents' houses, holidays together, losing teeth, field trips, and birthday parties. I remember people - even people I don't know. I used to be homeschooled - 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade and previously my Mom taught at Bloomsburg Christian School. So we had yearbooks. Kelly (my sister) and I used to look at those things ALL the time, so I "knew" a lot of the people in there. I recently met someone who when she told me her first name and that she had gone to BCS, I immediately knew who she was even though she graduated from the school when I was in kindergarten. It can be embarrassing sometimes to be like "Oh yeah you are so and so, I remember you!" and they don't have a clue who I am or how it is that I "remember" them. Oh well. Some of my memories have become favorite bedtime stories for the kids - like the time Kelly and I saw a mouse in the house and we were both screaming at the top of our lungs as we perched safely atop the living room furniture. We were loud enough that Mom - who I think was visiting the neighbor could hear us on her way back to our house. Or the time Kelly and I were home alone (I believe I was somewhere between 13-15ish) and we heard this horrible sounding buzz-like noise coming from my parents' room. We both got as close to the door as we dared and still couldn't figure out what was making the racket, but we were pretty sure it was some kind of very large - likely hideous looking - bug. I was too scared to go in there, so Kelly who was probably 10-12ish) said "My name means brave" - and very resolutely marched off to the kitchen to retrieve the broom and then courageously, but cautiously snuck into the bedroom with me following not so courageously behind her. Turns out it was my Dad's pager that was set to vibrate and it was on their desk where some loose change was also setting and the vibration was rattling not just the wood on the desk but the money as well making it sound pretty awful. We were relieved and a little sheepish about our fear, but it makes for a good memory and Evan's favorite story.
Memories can make us laugh and they can make us cry. Sometimes a memory is so embarrassing we don't want to remember it or so painful we push it away, but memories can be a great source of wisdom. We can learn from them - funny or sad. Our own personal history. History is a good thing usually. Mistakes made in the past will hopefully serve as a reminder to not repeat those same mistakes. On the other hand we can get too wrapped up in our memories that we aren't living in the present. We think things were so much better "way back in the day" and we don't allow ourselves to be content with where God has us now. Or we are so wrapped up in our past regrets that guilt is overwhelming us -pulling us under to sink in our despair. The Bible says in Philippians 3:13-14: "13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus". - Paul is the one who wrote this and he certainly had plenty of things to look back on with regret. Before he became a follower of Jesus, he persecuted those who followed him. Guilt could have overwhelmed him and make him totally useless for serving God, but he knew he was forgiven and he pressed on.
Of course, I am not saying we should never look back at all. We learn a lot from looking back - look at Peter. Peter followed Christ - one of the closer disciples to Jesus and yet he denied he even knew him at Jesus' most critical moment of needing friends. Peter was completely and totally forgiven by Jesus and he wasn't overtaken by guilt - knowing that he wasn't as strong as he thought he was probably helped him in future decisions.
So hold tight to those beautiful memories of good things and people and not so tight to those past sins and mistakes - and keep learning from both.